"The pandemic is reminding us that our belonging is conditional."
-- John Cho, actor. LA Times, Op-Ed, April 22, 2020.
https://www.latimes.com/opinion/story/2020-04-22/asian-american-discrimination-john-cho-coronavirus
Otherness. No one likes to talk about it because America is the land of the free, a meritocracy. Work hard and you will be rewarded. “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps,” they say. Race and class aren’t supposed to matter. But systematically, we have prevented some people (Black and Indigenous folks, especially) from even having access to basic boots let alone the designer ones the elites wear.
By sheer luck and learned people skills, this little girl raised by a solo/widowed, immigrant mom in one of the most dangerous cities in the U.S. (Stockton, California) cultivated some privilege. A handful of teachers in high school and college showed me the beauty of feeding knowledge and nurturing critical thinking/perspective. My cousin and her husband taught me the value of money (investing/saving/spending) and belonging. Not everyone from the ‘hood has that.
“Follow the rules,” and you will be rewarded. I bought into that for a long time as I progressed up the ladder at work in the 90’s and the 00’s. Don’t worry, I’m not a threat. I work hard. I will open and close the office. You go and have fun at the party.
But the model minority myth hurts us more than helps us Asian Americans because it can make us complacent. How can we complain? Would I rather someone assume I’m good at math or a threat to their safety? One is fucking annoying. The other can get you killed. But the thing is, they are both unfair, ignorant, and racist. One doesn’t negate the other. Pain is pain. I got hit in the head by a surfboard once. I needed more than 25 stitches and a cycle of antibiotics; and I looked like sh!t. I also had my heartbroken in my 20’s after a break-up with my boyfriend of seven years; and I looked like sh!t. Pain is pain. Both of those experiences were awful. Does it really matter which one hurt more or made me look sh!ttier? It all just fncking hurts.
The rules were made by the ruling class to benefit themselves. When someone with connections or a male with less experience gets the promotion instead of the more knowledgeable woman or BIPOC...remember the 2016 Presidential elections, anyone? The establishment is telling us to remember our place…as an Asian American, non-binary AFAB (assigned female at birth), I don’t want to follow those rules anymore.
So…anyone who wants or needs them, I offer you my worn boots/straps and my hand/shoulder (that’s what friends do when they see you hurting) and we can step out of line together. Belonging should not be conditional. With kindness, empathy, and compassion, let us heal each other. We can make the world a better place for one another. We are not other anymore.
